I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
