At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
