Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
