All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize