When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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