Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Randomize
