There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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