Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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