the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
