Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
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