Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
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