I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize