I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I bet he comes in French.
no you cant smoke seaweed
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
