I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
