Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
