he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I just forgot I was standing up.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
