she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
