its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize