I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
