My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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