My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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