If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
