Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
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You. Win. At. Life.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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