He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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