btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
