Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Randomize