how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
