Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
