she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Randomize
