You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Randomize