I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Randomize
