So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize