I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
