Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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