i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize