I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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