i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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