So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Randomize
