You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
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