I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
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