i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
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