God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Randomize
