If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
People with herpes should wear stickers.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
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