Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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