guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
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