the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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