I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
