Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
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