Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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