At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize