Will you blow on my dice?
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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