I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Randomize