we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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