I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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