thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Randomize
