dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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