I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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