Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize