WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize