Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
And then the night went full on bisexual.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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