This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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