I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Randomize
