He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Randomize
