Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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