saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
