found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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