glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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