I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
