apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Randomize
