Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
I could have mohawked her pubes.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize