did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
