I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Randomize
