Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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