Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
