my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
