Cold hands, warm shart.
So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
