I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
