I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
