I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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