We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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