dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
