I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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