i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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