Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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