"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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