i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
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