I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Enjoy the penises
Randomize
