I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
