Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
